dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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