I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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