Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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