she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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