News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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