she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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