Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
