he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
