He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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