fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
