God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
