U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
