Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
