I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
