I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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