So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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