just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
