That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
