oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
