New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
