I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.