We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
