pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.