my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
