Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......