just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.