Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.

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  (734): I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success. http://tfl.nu/p2jc
  Replies (8) Good night (2213) Bad night (529)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it

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  (248): He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it http://tfl.nu/3ch4
  Replies (34) Good night (476) Bad night (2935)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside

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  (501): there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside http://tfl.nu/1bna
  Replies (85) Good night (7051) Bad night (814)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?

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  (682): why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube? http://tfl.nu/dci4
  Replies (5) Good night (1118) Bad night (4119)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.

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  (724): I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that. http://tfl.nu/ze20
  Replies (22) Good night (4040) Bad night (907)
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  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

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  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5863) Bad night (1279)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it

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  (330): beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it http://tfl.nu/hhxp
  Replies (5) Good night (2949) Bad night (1090)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think we should have started that trash fire

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  (215): I don't think we should have started that trash fire http://tfl.nu/5qs5
  Replies (14) Good night (1896) Bad night (1367)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok

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  (509): I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/3owz
  Replies (9) Good night (2537) Bad night (730)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old

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  (410): I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old http://tfl.nu/pmig
  Replies (9) Good night (2159) Bad night (1274)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was drunk

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Please answer

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  (312): I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex (312): I was drunk (312): Please answer http://tfl.nu/4zur
  Replies (16) Good night (577) Bad night (2537)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.

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  (816): I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap. http://tfl.nu/otej
  Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (994)
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  (516): View more from New York

  She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.

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  (516): She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY. http://tfl.nu/h5mr
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (165)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.

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  (717): went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won. http://tfl.nu/zieh
  Replies (1) Good night (426) Bad night (153)
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  (585): View more from New York

  My inner pteradactyl is also confused.

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  (585): My inner pteradactyl is also confused. http://tfl.nu/ve6u
  Replies (3) Good night (583) Bad night (142)

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