Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better http://tfl.nu/apc9
  Replies (3) Good night (811) Bad night (2237)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night http://tfl.nu/y3ii
  Replies (45) Good night (3622) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date http://tfl.nu/21qw
  Replies (58) Good night (1198) Bad night (5708)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops. http://tfl.nu/vdzv
  Replies (20) Good night (991) Bad night (5740)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina? http://tfl.nu/iipt
  Replies (17) Good night (3748) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard. http://tfl.nu/f3jg
  Replies (3) Good night (2751) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition. http://tfl.nu/v2i1
  Replies (3) Good night (2297) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.

  (415): View more from California

  No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest. (415): No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans http://tfl.nu/liuw
  Replies (13) Good night (4577) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious. http://tfl.nu/gquc
  Replies (2) Good night (2644) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War http://tfl.nu/ppmx
  Replies (1) Good night (783) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning http://tfl.nu/g13p
  Replies (4) Good night (1031) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often. http://tfl.nu/7mqp
  Replies (3) Good night (812) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard. http://tfl.nu/ybia
  Replies (17) Good night (2536) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know. http://tfl.nu/cmhk
  Replies (2) Good night (603) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER? http://tfl.nu/z2jy
  Replies (3) Good night (405) Bad night (251)

Randomize