Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
