Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
