one two three fourrrrnication!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
