apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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