she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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