Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
