He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
