i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize