forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
