i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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