either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
