Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
