He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
