she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?