In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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