Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?