Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
