He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
