i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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