Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
