Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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