I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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