Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
