We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
