All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am mentally ready for anal.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
