They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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