you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
