I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
