remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
BRING THE BAGELS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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