I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
