I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
