the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
