i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
