There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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