omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
