You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
