rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
