this beer tastes like vomit already
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
