Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
