Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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