My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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