This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
