What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
