I wish you could order shots online.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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