i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
