do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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