are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
