the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
