i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
