Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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