the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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