WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
