I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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