I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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