Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
