Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
