Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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