Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
