He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
