Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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