his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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