fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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