Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
